Dear All

Please excuse this post as I am sitting here unable to sleep at nearly 3am and I will probably ramble as I am feeling sorry for myself.

Thank you all SO much for all your kind thoughts over Billy's (FIL) death - it really has been appreciated.

Tuesday REALLY was NOT a good day - it started with a phone call at 0750 to say that my uncle (my one remaining immediate relative apart from DH & DS) was being loaded into an ambulance critically ill. That really was the icing on the cake of what was going to be a sh***y day anyway as it was Billy's funeral that afternoon.

I have always found the majority of DH's relatives odd and stand-offish and true to form they didn't break the habits of the last 16 years so I had a truly "great" time at the funeral tea with his aunt looking through me and totally ignoring me to the extent of turning her back on me when I tried to be polite and actually speak to her.
Well I suppose they do say (up here anyway) "There's naught stranger than fauk"!

We went in to the hospital to see my uncle in the evening - that was distressing to say the least. He is having a very hard time breathing and has pneumonia so is having to wear a positive pressure mask to try and superoxygenate him. The mask was distressing him badly as he was truly desperate for a drink but they wouldn't let him take the mask off at all. We didn't stay for more than 15 minutes as it was just to much for all concerned.

He did have a reasonable night and apparently was doing a little better today (well, yesterday now) but that really doesn't stop the worry. My aunt admitted to me today that when he was rushed to hospital he was unconscious and unresponsive and they didn't think he would make it. He certainly isn't out of the woods yet as there is also apparently some concern over his kidneys too.

I think what is bothering me the most is that if he dies just now I really don't know how DS will cope. He was put through things last week that no 8 year old should have to deal with. As we have no family back-up wherever DH & I were he had to be too. He even slept on a fold-out bed across the hall at the hospice. His grandfather's death bothered him but not unduly as Billy was not close even though DS has no other grandparent alive - his other grandchildren mattered more! Why, I have no idea but it was a major problem with me. Because of this he has truly latched onto my uncle (his great-uncle) and he will be absolutely devastated when he goes, particularly if it happens in the near future.

I know I am just being pessimistic but that doesn't stop the worry. Sorry to burden you all with this - just needed to get it all off my chest. Will try to sleep now.